It appears that I must have missed a memo recently from Woke‑Liberal Headquarters.

If I understand correctly, I was supposed to have melted down by now over an American Eagle ad featuring actress Sydney Sweeney. Something about my outrage over a beautiful woman with blonde hair and blue eyes making a joke about having “good jeans” — a play on “good genes.”

Now, don’t let it get out, but that strikes me as a rather clever script.

Suddenly, though, some of the Right’s great philosophers — Megyn Kelly, JD Vance, The Five and now, even the big guy — are themselves raging on the Cultural Warpath about widespread liberal hysteria over the ad.

I’m confused, but if I’m following this at all, my instructions called for a tantrum about the ad representing eugenics and sexual exploitation. I was also supposed to be scandalized over having discovered Sweeney is a registered Republican and likes to shoot guns at a range.

Those seem pretty weird things to get upset over. Worse still, I was directed to level charges that Sweeney is some kind of Nazi. That’s over the line.

Besides, Sweeney’s actual resume speaks just fine for her as a remarkably accomplished actress and film producer at 27. What’s to hate about her? I’m even straining to take offense at her appearance.

Still, the story has gotten my attention because she’s the new MAGA hero du jour. And patriots on the Right have risen up to seethe that I’m seething.

Trouble is, it’s not just me who has failed their woke duty to take up arms over Sweeney’s appearance and humor. As best as I can tell, the entire frenzy from the Left has mostly been invented — and certainly been exaggerated — by MAGA influencers so they could start a frenzy of their own.

Why would they want to do that? Oh right. They’re sick and tired of that Jeffrey Epstein scandal dogging Donald Trump every moment — and this is just their latest move to distract from it.

Got it. So while Trump kindly moved convicted sex predator Ghislaine Maxwell to a far more comfortable prison — and apparently is flirting with a pardon for her because he really might need to give her one — let’s just talk about Sydney.

This does not make me mad.

Back in reality world, I can find no evidence that any Democratic politician or serious leader has become all that triggered by Sweeney or the American Eagle ad. A professor wrote an op‑ed criticizing it and some folks on social media did as well.

It’s not that there shouldn’t be room for those voices or that they need be scorned. Academically, the subjects of race or sexuality in advertising are fair game — especially if they’re nuanced. But MAGA doesn’t do nuance.

There’s exponentially more rage reporting from the right than there was original sin, if you will, from the left. This perfect example of “cancel culture” had one defect: it was attributed to Democrats, not sourced from them.

Besides, there’s nothing organic about any of this. Consider this from AP News:

U.S. fashion retailer American Eagle Outfitters wanted to make a splash with its new advertising campaign starring 27-year-old actor Sydney Sweeney. The ad blitz included “clever, even provocative language” and was “definitely going to push buttons,” the company’s chief marketing officer told trade media outlets.

Okay, now I get it. This was designed to provoke all along. Well-played.

‘So hot!’ Don Jr. gushes over bizarre AI image of denim-clad dad AI -generated image of Donald Trump. (Donald Trump Jr’s Instagram)

Sorry for not taking the bait, but I think this is a case of an advertising agency deserving a raise, seeing as how American Eagle just spiked. And a case of MAGA warriors deserving credit for diabolical deceit in lying about the purported outrage from liberals.

On the other hand, I still don’t want anyone thinking I’m afraid to take a bold stand on this burning issue that has caused so many tens of liberals nationally to work themselves into a tizzy. No snowflaking this one for me.

So, I will vote with my pocketbook. I’m announcing that I will not purchase any item of clothing for myself that has been modeled by Sydney Sweeney.

And if you want to think that’s because Ms. Sweeney looks quite good in everything and I look good in nothing — well, you’re just a reverse sexist pig. And an ageist.

For the record, mark me down as outraged. Just don’t ask me why.