President Donald Trump really, really wants everyone to stop talking about his dead friend and fellow convicted felon, Jeffrey Epstein. Fortunately for Trump, he runs the whole of the government and has nourished the resentful and conspiracy-addled thinking of the very worst people among us, which is why we’re getting a one-two punch of stupidity.
First, there’s House Oversight Chair James Comer who has subpoenaed most everyone Trump has ever fixated on under the pretense that they are the real criminals who shielded Epstein—not Trump, his actual longtime friend. Then, over at the Department of Justice, we’ve got Attorney General Pam Bondi pursuing an entirely different theory, which is that everyone conspired to fake evidence of Russian interference in the 2016 election after Trump won the 2016 election. Yeah, it doesn’t hold together, but go with it.
Over on X, which is apparently still where official government pronouncements are made even after Trump’s falling out with owner Elon Musk, Comer is bragging that his sham of an Oversight Committee has issued subpoenas to compel the following people to be deposed as part of his attempt to get to the bottom of the Epstein scandal:
Former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton: October 9
Former President Bill Clinton: October 14
Former U.S. Attorney General Merrick Garland: October 2
Former FBI Director James Comey: October 7
Former U.S. Attorney General William Barr: August 18
Former U.S. Attorney General Alberto Gonzales: August 26
Former U.S. Attorney General Jeff Sessions: August 28
Former FBI Director Robert Mueller: September 2
Former U.S. Attorney General Loretta Lynch: September 9
Former U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder: September 30
That is quite the list. Not one, not two, but six attorneys general, a couple of FBI directors, Trump’s 2016 election rival and her husband, and a former president. Has anyone inquired as to whether Trump’s incredibly sweet and vast presidential immunity deal applies to any other presidents before Comer tries to compel Bill Clinton’s testimony?
The notion that Comer also needs to depose two of Trump’s former attorneys general as part of this quest is especially odd. Are they expected to have somehow conspired on their own, out of sight of Trump, to protect Epstein? If Comer was sincere about learning who in the first Trump administration ensured Epstein was protected from the consequences of his actions, he’d be deposing Trump’s former Secretary of Labor Alex Acosta, who gave Epstein that sweetheart deal in 2007 when Acosta was the U.S. Attorney for Florida. But if Comer talked to Acosta, he might learn something real and true, so that’s not going to happen.
With the exception of Alberto Gonzales, who was attorney general under George W. Bush, this list of ostensible Epstein protectors seems to dovetail pretty nicely with the list of people Trump also believes conspired to rob him of the legitimacy of his 2016 election. Gonzales is presumably there as a fig leaf, as he was attorney general when Acosta cut Epstein the “deal of a lifetime.” Even so, a serious investigation would still call Acosta, but Comer is not serious.
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Apparently, former President Barack Obama’s attorneys general were in on the Epstein cover-up, but not Obama himself? And the same is somehow true for George W. Bush? But when it comes to the Clintons, the right just can’t help itself. Every conspiracy leads back there.
While Comer stages this dog-and-pony show to find the real Epstein-adjacent criminal, Bondi is taking the laboring oar on pursuing Trump’s other unhinged conspiracy theory: that evidence of Russian interference in the 2016 election was falsified to hurt Trump. Okay, hang on, because this gets both dumb and confusing.
Bondis is empaneling a federal grand jury, upon a criminal referral from Gabbard, who issued an incredibly confusing press release about her triumph:
On Friday, Director of National Intelligence (DNI) Tulsi Gabbard revealed overwhelming evidence that demonstrates how, after President Trump won the 2016 election against Hillary Clinton, President Obama and his national security cabinet members manufactured and politicized intelligence to lay the groundwork for what was essentially a years-long coup against President Trump.
Wait, what? So the current working theory of the director of National Intelligence is that somehow, following Trump’s victory, everyone then conspired against Trump by inventing the story of Russian interference in the 2016 election. As a basis for that weird claim, she offers a whole bunch of random emails that predate Trump’s 2016 win, so whatever. It’s also not clear how Obama officials could have helmed the “years-long coup” against Trump since all of them were out once Trump took office.
Gabbard has also called for Obama to be prosecuted, which again raises the question of whether presidential immunity will apply to anyone but Trump. Let’s say Obama had embarked on a scheme to discredit Trump, and he did so by conferring with his appointees, like his attorney general. That’s pretty much exactly what the Supreme Court said constituted an official act for which Trump was immune.
Just as with Epstein, Trump knows full well what occurred during the 2016 campaign and how much Russia gave him a helping hand. In 2018, he said that Russian President Vladimir Putin was “responsible” for Russian interference in the 2016 election. But for Trump to admit the scale of that assistance would destroy his fragile ego, which needs constant soothing about how he is the best and most winningest guy.
If only Trump could bring this level of attention to bear on a pedophile felon—but hey, that guy used to be his pal. You can only ask a man for so much.